my partner likes femdom ... so do i ... we're novices ... i want her to be happy ... no idea how to ask, but advice wou;d be appreciated


  • First rules of BDSM play - Never submit to anything you don't like merely to please your partner. It comes to no good. Never ask your partner to do anything that you wouldn't accede to yourself. Keeps things in check. Keep it simple. Limits will expand with experience, but its not something you can rush no matter how sophisticated you think you are. If you both can't enjoy it together, it won't be any good. Remember what the Nissan man said, "Life is a journey... Enjoy the ride".
  • Note that kink's DivineBitches site is "extreme femdom". You don't have to use that site as a guide at this early point.
    Also, your question is very vague.
  • The most basic...I've said this before here...
    KNOW the ROLES:
    The submissive role: please the partner...make your limits known up front.
    The dominant role: PROTECT the submissive at ALL times! personal protection, physical protection...ALL protection...and respect the limits...ALWAYS!

  • Just to be clear on the role of the submissive. When you say "please the partner", do you mean it the role of the submissive to please the dominant or visa versa? I definitely agree that one of the primary charges of the dominant is to protect the submissive, but I prefer to think of the dominant's role at one of fulfilling the submissive's desires. This can be done in a number of ways, but primarily by assuming all responsibility which allows the submissive to shed that burden and achieve a sense of freedom that we are otherwise unable to attain as individuals without the help of an intimate partner.
  • Long way around...what I said is the most basic and fundamental...and paramount responsibilities...everything else is gravy...I like to keep things simple! :D
  • Ah... . KISS Theory. My favorite. What do that call that? Occam's Razor is it?
  • As long as they remember those two rules that are the foundation...then everything else will develop...big believer in SAFETY! We do all right's really good!
  • KISS also applies to bondage devices and scene setups.
  • shouldn't have to be a civil engineer to have something fun!
    They should have a sign that says DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!
  • Listen to Chatty about the safety...she's always been the safety guru here for us...
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