Need advice from pro kinksters

I have a question for any pros out there. I'm a 31 year old male, single for a little over 4 years now. While I always checked it out here and there, about a year ago I began to take some serious interest in BDSM porn, most specifically, dominatrix porn. I realized that while not to a serious degree, I very much enjoy the kink of being humiliated and controlled by a woman. I am not sure why I have this kink or anything like that, but it is something I often kept going back to, even to the point of creating a Fetlife account on and off and chatting with Domme's here and there. I never took it to a super serious level of developing a relationship with anyone, but I did do some initial tributing to Domme's so I could chat with them for a little while, masturbate, all before calling it a day and going back to my normal life. I never had any interest of being someone's longterm "sub" or "slave". Regular vanilla porn was still in my life but the BDSM stuff also became more and more common. These clips included everything from pegging, to degradation, to ballbusting, etc. Just recently, a year later, I finally began trying to cut down on this BDSM porn however. This came after a real life sex experience where I really couldn't get into the vanilla aspect of it. i was with the girl in my bedroom and had serious thoughts of just wishing she took control and began dominating/humiliating me. It should be noted that I was not into this girl personally, but this was more of a hook up scenario. This definitely scared me and I began trying to phase all these thoughts out before my mentality towards this became worse.

Now I am aware that you cannot "un-kinkify" yourself and that this kink will always probably be there to a degree, but I suppose my question is, should I be trying to get rid of this completely? I'm a very normal guy for the most part and I just do not like the idea of identifying with this kind of sexuality and lord knows I'm aware that no normal girl is going to be happy to hear that I have a domination fetish. I know I can put it aside a good amount as I have for a little while in recent memory, but this all really upsets me deeply. I wonder why I enjoy it so much. I feel like something happened over time with these years of being single and not being successful with women, and not having sex on a regular basis, and also finally getting sick of vanilla porn, that this kink just turned me on big time bc it was something 'different'. It also didn't help that these Domme's out there on the internet/instagram are willing to talk and give you attention for a few bucks. It remains to be seen with what would happen if I do one day meet a great girl that I am INTO and if these urges will still exist like they do now, but for right now at this exact moment, I guess I'm just very confused.


  • edited August 2016

    if it stops being fun for everyone or just 1 then best to let it be... certainly dont pay for something u cant Safely Verify & Trust or u will really end up paying for it in the 'end'....
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  • after reading this it looks like you have not actually spent much time talking to and having contact with real people. The word "porn " show's up 3 times in your comment and you talk about ttributing to Domes' so you could chat with them for a little while you masturbate . Reading that sentence it makes me think that these "doms" you speak of are web cam girls or phone sex girls. My apologies if you actually booked a session with a live Dominatrix and physically went to her dungeon to do this . Even so you have to realize you are paying for entertainment .

    Having had some contact with real life kinky people . I found the difference seemed to be that those people had developed relationships and then brought in the kink as part of those relationships .
    I hate the addiction idea. But if you think you might be addicted to pornography kink .com has a link to a group that can help sex Addicts anonymous. It is in this list here
    under health care .

    To use an analogy it's like lets say you where into stamp collecting . So you went to stamp collecting websites and paid for advice . By web cam and over the phone as to which stamps where the most valuable etc . The result is you get all kinds of information on stamp's and stamp collecting but you never actually collect any stamps and you think you are an expert in stamp collecting .

    as far as the not being good with women thing
    I think this is actually your real problem you are having trouble communicating with real live people face to face. The being worried about meeting a girl you like and her rejecting you because your into being dominated by women. Is just a symptom of that. It's like being worried that a girl will reject you because your into stamp collecting.

    my suggestion on that is to look at your overall communication with people in general. Although women do have some differences to men It really is a mistake to think that there is some sort of special language or technique to communicate with them . As so many scam artist are willing to tell you on the internet they are human beings just like you . .

    My advice get away from the internet start doing some common sense things to improve your life . Try a technology free month .If you can unless you need it for work. Unplug and cancel your internet TV and smart phone . start going to the library. Read books start doing things to improve your health . Start walking more. Go to bed early get a better diet etc. once you start doing some common sense things to improve your physical health I think your mental health will improve as well . At that point you will be better able to deal with it if you decide what you want to do also you will be less concerned about being rejected by a so called " normal " girl .

    The biggest problem with pornography happens. When people look at it and see a porn scene where everything is done perfectly and they assume real life is going to be like that . Rather than thinking that the reason every thing works out. Is because the porn actors are following a carefully planed script I made a big mistake once looking at a man in a porn video not on kink .com . Having sex with three women I then hired 3 prostitutes to have sex with me lets just say that without carefully planning and communication I learned how badly things can get fucked up .
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