I have a question for any pros out there. I'm a 31 year old male, single for a little over 4 years now. While I always checked it out here and there, about a year ago I began to take some serious interest in BDSM porn, most specifically, dominatrix porn. I realized that while not to a serious degree, I very much enjoy the kink of being humiliated and controlled by a woman. I am not sure why I have this kink or anything like that, but it is something I often kept going back to, even to the point of creating a Fetlife account on and off and chatting with Domme's here and there. I never took it to a super serious level of developing a relationship with anyone, but I did do some initial tributing to Domme's so I could chat with them for a little while, masturbate, all before calling it a day and going back to my normal life. I never had any interest of being someone's longterm "sub" or "slave". Regular vanilla porn was still in my life but the BDSM stuff also became more and more common. These clips included everything from pegging, to degradation, to ballbusting, etc. Just recently, a year later, I finally began trying to cut down on this BDSM porn however. This came after a real life sex experience where I really couldn't get into the vanilla aspect of it. i was with the girl in my bedroom and had serious thoughts of just wishing she took control and began dominating/humiliating me. It should be noted that I was not into this girl personally, but this was more of a hook up scenario. This definitely scared me and I began trying to phase all these thoughts out before my mentality towards this became worse.
Now I am aware that you cannot "un-kinkify" yourself and that this kink will always probably be there to a degree, but I suppose my question is, should I be trying to get rid of this completely? I'm a very normal guy for the most part and I just do not like the idea of identifying with this kind of sexuality and lord knows I'm aware that no normal girl is going to be happy to hear that I have a domination fetish. I know I can put it aside a good amount as I have for a little while in recent memory, but this all really upsets me deeply. I wonder why I enjoy it so much. I feel like something happened over time with these years of being single and not being successful with women, and not having sex on a regular basis, and also finally getting sick of vanilla porn, that this kink just turned me on big time bc it was something 'different'. It also didn't help that these Domme's out there on the internet/instagram are willing to talk and give you attention for a few bucks. It remains to be seen with what would happen if I do one day meet a great girl that I am INTO and if these urges will still exist like they do now, but for right now at this exact moment, I guess I'm just very confused.